Exactly 15 months today
15 months ago my life changed forever. I lost so many things in that fire, that I'm still sifting through the ashes in hopes that I may still have something left to rebuild.
I was reading that night before I fell asleep, I haven't read a single book ever since. I don't know why, but my excuse being, "ohh I don't have time". I drank red wine that night and ate fried sausages while reading my book and thinking "life is good". So much for believing that good things happen.
I haven't written anything in eons, except for the occasional fb status.
I gave up believing in so many things. I gave up believing in god and banished him from my home (if he even exists that is) I burnt the effigy to depict the burning of my life. I don't pray nor do I have any interest in religion.
I don't celebrate anything. I hate being wished on my birthday and I don't even feel like wishing people on theirs. I sort of hate any kind of celebration.
I've cried and I've cried every single day for a year and yet nothing changed. I ran away from everyone and everyplace that was a reminder, and yet nothing changed. There is still a giant hole in my chest and an oversized wall around me. And no matter what I do nothing seems to heal me, not even time. Because it always feels like the fire happened just yesterday.
I got myself a cat thinking she might be able to fill some of the void. I know she loves me and even though I feel great affection towards her, I'm not sure if I love her the same way that she loves me.
I'm going through life as though everything is normal and the people around me think the same. Only problem is, people don't know about the things I lost in the fire.
