Things I lost in the fire

Exactly 15 months today

15 months ago my life changed forever.  I lost so many things in that fire, that I'm still sifting through the ashes in hopes that I may still have something left to rebuild.
I was reading that night before I fell asleep, I haven't read a single book ever since. I don't know why, but my excuse being, "ohh I don't have time". I drank red wine that night and ate fried sausages while reading my book and thinking "life is good". So much for believing that good things happen.
I haven't written anything in eons, except for the occasional fb status.
I gave up believing in so many things. I gave up believing in god and banished him from my home (if he even exists that is) I burnt the effigy to depict the burning of my life. I don't pray nor do I have any interest in religion.
I don't celebrate anything. I hate being wished on my birthday and I don't even feel like wishing people on theirs. I sort of hate any kind of celebration.
I've cried and I've cried every single day for a year and yet nothing changed. I ran away from everyone and everyplace that was a reminder, and yet nothing changed. There is still a giant hole in my chest and an oversized wall around me. And no matter what I do nothing seems to heal me, not even time. Because it always feels like the fire happened just yesterday.
I got myself a cat thinking she might be able to fill some of the void. I know she loves me and even though I feel great affection towards her, I'm not sure if I love her the same way that she loves me.
I'm going through life as though everything is normal and the people around me think the same.  Only problem is, people don't know about the things I lost in the fire.

I am blessed

Was reading an article the other day about how everyone complains about things they don't have... How we keeping dwelling on how our lives would be better if we had more things but forget to acknowledge everything that we already have and how blessed we are to have them. .. It's only when we lose it that we miss what we had. ...

I don't want to be one of those who keeps wanting more and never happy with what she has. ... It is ok to want more,  that's ambition. . But it's also important to acknowledge what we have and be thankful for it. ..Because believe it  or not, everything that you get is a blessing and you get it when you are ready for it... and you always get what you really want... You might get it a little late but if you want it really bad you will get it.

In hindsight everything is clear. . . There are so many things that I've wanted really bad and I have got it... Most of them I've fought for. ..
There is this incident I remember where u had been to tarot reader and she told me that I will not be able to get the career I wanted. ... In my mind I was thinking "like hell I won't"... At that time I was trying hard to get into retail and really wanted to be a buyer. .. and I really also wanted to work in dubai. ...I tried really hard. .. But as I had zero expedience in buying no one wanted to give me the job,  let alone anyone in dubai wanting to hire me... The Dubai guys told me that I don't have enough exp that I should try again in a few yrs. .. But I kept fighting for it. .. Then ONLY happened.... an international brand newly introduced in India. .. and my boss had hired me for my passion & potential and was happy to teach me what I didn't know. ..a month later I was buying in Denmark. .. How is that for getting what you really want?  :D
2 yrs later the same company from dubai that had rejected me 3 times for 3 of their concepts finally hired me for a concept that I didn't really believe I was eligible for. .. SHOES. .. I moved from a garment background to shoes, from ONLY to SHOEMART,  from India finally to DUBAI .... How is that for getting what you really really want ?😆
I am blessed,  absolutely blessed. ...God's favourite child. .. He gives me everything but he also remembers not to spoil me in the process. .. He has taught me that I need to work for everything that I want and I'm thankful for it. .. There are some things missing but I'm not sad because I have come to accept that they will come to me when it is time , when I'm ready. Until then I should be happy with what I have and most important enjoy what I have. Because what God gives he can take away too.

When my childhood caught up with me

I am home for the holidays now, after spending one full year in Dubai. Mumbai is good it will always be home but Dubai feels more like home now.

This time being in Mumbai was all about spending time with my parents. I know they miss me loads and i also know that mum will cry again when i leave this time around, hence i have literally not left the house to go and meet any of my other friends. But last Sunday 2 of my childhood friends visited me at home for lunch. Tejasvi and her brother Aditya. Had been a year since i met Teju and around 4yrs since i met Adi as he lives in Miami now. But its been ages since all 4 of us had been together, Teju, Adi, Isha(my sis) and me.

I think now-a-days no meeting is complete without people comparing their phones and Hi-fiving because we have the same model. Teju and Isha the NEXUS and Adi and me the galaxy S4. What to say, its the ancient habit woven into us through evolution - "Who has the bigger one?"
Everything was pure nostalgia after the phone comparing session. The games we played as kids, the school we went to, the fights we had the, the problems we had and the problems the kids have now, the simple life with no mobile phones or Xboxes. Life was so good back then, so simple with no worries. I mean all you had to worry about was your homework and exams. We wanted to grow up fast so that we could earn our own money and buy our own things, because being a kid sucked apparently. We talked about our neighbors, their dogs, the annoying little kids, the affairs and the colony stud.

It was a Sunday well spent with lots of joke and laughter. It felt good that in the busy lives that we all spend, 4 friends found time to go back to their childhood :)

Just belive

So it's been 3 months now in dubai and I'm still going strong. Although I really miss my family back home, I know that I can't live in India again.  But I'm also not sure if I can live here forever. 
So where do I see myself settling down? Well I got just 3 words for you - London, Paris and NewYork :) I see myself living in London and working in Paris and New York.
I am after all the metro City girl.  Life in the fast lane is all I can see.  I lovely job in fashion in London with travels to Other places for fashion shows, donning the latest fashion with a nice fur coat and knee high boots.  That's the life I see for myself and I am pretty sure I'm closer to it now.
How do I know this? Well coz I belive in it.
I believe that life has great things in store for me.  Look at me now working in dubai by myself, living by myself and just 4 months ago I was crying in a stuck up job with a boss from hell and a crappy pay check.  And now I live in dubai, in a posh locality like marina , earning 3 times my salary in India.  Life is good I say and it definitely is moving towards better :)
  The only thing missing now is LOVE and I know that is just round the corner too, just hidden from view.  All I have to do is just believe that it is there and that I will see it soon enough.  :)
Until then enjoying Singledom till it lasts.

Dubai :)

Wow! I am posting again almost a year later. Been caught up with life i guess.
Life has changed and how! I now live in Dubai! Dubai Marina. The life line of Dubai.

Life is very different and yet better. Ofcourse i miss India no doubt but i am not ready to go back yet.
I had so many apprehensions before coming here. All the obvious misconceptions that Indian women have about an Arab country. Things like you can wear what you like, you will have to wear a hijab, women are treated in a lowly manner, women dont have any freedom etc etc.. But it is exactly the opposite here. Women here are highly respected, getting preferential treatment even. They have equal rights as men although a certain level of modestly is expected. Obviously. Cant really expect a women to roam topless, except for in a nude beach, which, by the way does not exist in Dubai.

So what have my experiences been like in the past 1.5months that i have been here? Well to say my 1st disappointment was that my workplace feels like a cross between Kerela and Phillipines. If i use my statistics then 33% are filipinos, 33% are Kerellites and the 33% is represented by the rest of the world. I always keep grumbling that the 66% of the population are gonna take over the world soon.

My first real celebration of Dubai was  a free dinner by Janhavi's cousin at Souk Al Bahar. The lovely Bice Mare which stands right at the egde of the fountain lake of Dubai mall and Bhurj Khalifa. Sitting there watching the fountain and going through a 3 course meal with coctails and wine is what life in dubai is all about. We sat there for a whole 4hrs just talking and laughing and enjoying delicious food and wine. The very close 2nd celebration was with another close friend-Moiz who is also the only other person i knew in Dubai. The amazing hot pot that he cooks and along with rounds of LIT that i make... bliss.

My first couple of weeks were pretty stressful as it is like a full time job trying to find a habitable apartment here. I got to see places that resembled watering holes to downright caves. Smelling all the time of some South Indian chutney. No offence to south Indians really, its just that if you are not used to smelling sambars and chutneys 24hrs a day then this can really get to you. Now was the time to set your priorities. You  either lived in a hole or you let a hole burn in your pocket and live it up in Dubai. And it took me three weeks of contemplating to get this straight. Always hunting on dubizzle to find a cheap yet "not hole in wall" kind of place to live in. Then 3 weeks later, lady luck smiled and i found the right place and just loved it right when i saw it. I partied hard that night ;)

So my new apt is the huge Horizon Towers which is a whooping 44floors high and can be seen form mostly anywhere in Marina. I live on the 7th floor, any higher and im sure i would have had vertigo problems. MOE as they call it aka Mall of the Emirates is my fav hangout i think.I am in there 3 days out of 7. And when i am not at MOE or at work, then i am at the pool which is a great respite after a long 9.5hrs shift at work. My roomates are nice mixture of Irish, Scottish/Pakistani, Ukranian, Egyptian, German and British/Filipino. They are a fun bunch and we generally do a lot of things together, like swimming, cooking, dinner, super markets, outings and partying ;)

Somehow out here, i havnt cooked much Indian food. Living mostly on salads and sanwiches. And i realise now that it has become more difficult to digest rice products, if and when i do eat it. I am moving to healthy eating i guess. Getting more of yoghurts and milks. Have given away with sodas. I still love chocolates, never gonna give them up.

I miss my car the most and i fear that i might either forget driving or might get a downright phobia of driving on Mumbai roads. The roads are as smooth as silk here. No bumps, no potholes. And yet somehow the Emiratis somehow manage to crash their cars, inspite of such a long list of rules. I thought that you'd be scared to break rules in the middle east, considering otherwise. The European road rules apply with left hand drive.

Night life of dubai rocks!. And Dubai Marina is the place to be. Clubs here are mainly dominated by the expat crowds. Then again the entire Dubai marina is dominated by expats. And since i am an expat too for UAE, i live here too ;) And if your are a woman, you are showered by women's nights which generally have free booze and free food. Unlike mumbai where women's nights are generally wednesdays, here different clubs have their's on different days of the week. Barasti i learnt is a very popular hangout which is right on the beach. I love my night trip here.

Well thats most of the updates from my 1st 6 weeks of stay in Dubai. I hope that i will add more updates here sooner.
psst...my boss is not at work today and i am updating this from office ;)
cheers